gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
