he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
