I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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