Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
