i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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