She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
