My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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