I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
