end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You're earring is so big in my mouth
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
