How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
