I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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