So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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