I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
