dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This is the high leading the old right now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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