Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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