If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Someone came in the potted fern
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
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