we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize