Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize