I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
