Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
