Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
