There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
