I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
