i think i have two assholes
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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