I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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