I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
whose parrot is this?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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