I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
