I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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