Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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