He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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