i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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