So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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