She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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