worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
