Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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