it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
