he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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