she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
