Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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