Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
