Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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