I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
