So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
