wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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