Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
