I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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