Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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