She is in my trunk
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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