I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
