$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize