I'll bet she douches with gravy.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
i think my cat just said my name.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
