i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
