I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
