So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize