you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
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