We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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