wat bout pragnant strippers??
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I didn't notice because vodka
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
