a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
