Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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