So drunk its hurt
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
