I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
They have beer where we have blood.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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