theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
