i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
