if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I woke up under a house in Key West
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
