why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize