my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
