Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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