i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
