Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
