And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
