I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
