So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
