did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
